Guide to Eliciting SMS Replies

All of us have at least one of those: Friends who don't reply to SMS/phone calls. You could SMS them repeatedly without eliciting the slightest of responses, or even call endlessly to no avail, and not even receive a subsequent return call.

Now, don't get me wrong. It would be bordering on Steven Gerrard-level selfishness to suggest that SMS and phone calls should be responded to immediately 24/7. But honestly, doesn't the constant waiting just make you sick to the stomach?

In any case, if a friend is a serial offender when it comes to phone etiquette, there are a number of ways to get around it.

#1 Be polite but firm
Recently, I SMSed someone who is perhaps the epitome of someone lacking decent phone etiquette. The gist of the message was asking about availability for meeting up, and I ended with an additional Please reply. I know you're busy. But please reply. Thanks. Lo and behold, it worked like a charm. I actually got a reply immediately.

Wanting to confirm that it was no fluke, I replied with the details and everything else, and of course ended with Please reply. Thanks. Of course, it worked once more.

The danger of it all is once you actually start overusing this tactic, the said offender would come to expect that typical line and gradually cease to notice it.

#2 Get their significant other's phone number
Chances are, the majority of the time spent would be with the offender's significant other. Easy. Conveniently procure the significant other's phone number, and keep it. In the event of not being able to elicit any response, utilise the partner's contact. This would most definitely irritate and annoy both parties, so only use in times of emergency.

#3 Badger any means possible
Email, MSN, Facebook, SMS, phone calls, house calls, office numbers etc. The sky's the limit when it comes to badgering. Flood every possible avenue to increase the likelihood of getting a response.

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If all else fails, sever all ties with him/her. But don't quote me on this.